Talking Turkey
by royslady51
Summary: The 9TH Doctor and Rose find themselves treed by ill-tempered birds, Jack and his team find themselves relocated to American Soil and stuck in the middle of several major problems is a local grandmother with the ability to dance with all sorts of weird birds who seem to be migrating into her territory. AU/AR
1. Who and What is in the Swamp?

TURKEY TALK

BY

ROYSLADY51

PART ONE: Strangeness in the Fields

I wasn't quite sure I that believed what I _thought _I was looking at. Oh, I've rescued tourists from wild turkey toms before...someone that sees them during mating season and wants a better look best be prepared to be assaulted if they don't know what they're doing...it's just hows the toms are: Aggressive, that is. That wasn't the problem. Still, I wasn't going to just leave them there, just on the off chance that's who they _were_...

"Hey _Mister_, normally, I'd ask your name, but in your case...I'm not sure I'd _believe_ you." I yelled. Although, I admit, I expected to get the name of an embarrassed actor...instead, I got a _delusional_ one. Nach.

"I'm the Doctor."

"Right, _sure _you are. Pull the other one." And I decided to worry about calling the men with the padded wagon later. Right now, it was lesson time. "While you two come up with a _believable _story, I'll clear out the male turkeys so you can climb down. Watch me. You can't run from wild tom turkeys or geese in the breeding season." And so I went through some motions...feels like dancing but if you get it wrong you'll get nailed. I aggressively approached a big male that had already defeated all the other males, explaining in a mean tone and finishing with, "I'm using a mean growling tone because I don't want this guy thinking I'm impressed with him. I'm about to have to scare the tar out of him and I want it to _stick_. Right now he thinks I'm a male turkey...he's about to revise that opinion and that will scatter the lot of them.

The bird finally attacked, I took a step to the side and grabbed him by the throat, pushed him to the ground and tucked his wings around him to his panicked shrieks. The rest of the males had already flown off...they thought I was a predator, now. I hooded the big male and put him in a body sock, then tied his feet.

"I'm gonna relocate this guy to an area with lots of females but almost no males. He'll let humans be after this, poor traumatized thing that he is..."

"What about Time Lords? Ever heard of us?"

"Sure have." Right, it was time to show him the Box Sets. "Tell you what, let me take you home with me, I'll feed you both and then there's two different somethings I'd appreciate it if you had a look at for me...If you are telling the truth, well...we'll discuss that after the first one since it's pretty minor...we'll discuss who you two might,_ or might not be_, after that."

He frowned at me, but nodded.

"If you're telling me the truth and you have a remote by which you can summon the Lady, fine. Bring it. If not...well, it could be a while before I have a reasonably quiet day to bring you back. Honestly, I really hope you're lying to me... Unfortunately, I don't think you are and that means one more giant headache on top of the one I've _already_ got. _Get in the truck_."

I took a detour to release the big male into the area I'd mentioned that didn't have enough good breeders in it.

"It's fillin' and good, but not too extra fancy. Now, I ain't English, so when I drink hot teas they tend to be herbals or I just drink the Southern US version of sweet tea..." I watched the man's face crumple in disgust. "Deal dude, for us, black tea is more about hydration. If I want a social drink, it's gonna be a virgin daiquiri or mint julep...or one of several herbal teas that I enjoy. The kinds that I prefer have either an actual nutritional or medicinal _value_ or have some kind of trace element human bodies need. Get over it."

"Wow. And I thought the _Doctor _was rude." 'Rose' muttered.

"Yeah, _you_ can get over it too. This is how I am...blunt and to the point. I don't believe in polite lies...it's still a lie, after all. Best you know what's on my mind since that prevents misunderstandings later."

"Point."

"Why don't you believe he's who he says he is?"

I handed her most of the earlier seasons of Doctor Who, box sets on DVD, Eighth and down: I just looked at her. "I'd've given you _his_, but on the off chance you're telling the truth, you're not there yet. So the one before the one you know and rest of the babies will have to do. So, supper first, then you two get to watch those. If he wishes to confirm he's required to do so by calling the other part of that trio. Translation, if I don't see _her _arrive, _I'm not going to take your word for it._"

After supper, I left them with the TV set and the earlier DVDs and went to do some chores...and after about three hours, he came out of the living room, ashen-faced, grabbed me by the upper arm and towed me outside. He raised something that didn't look long enough for a screwdriver, pushed a button and two seconds later there was the unmistakable sound of an arriving TARDIS.

"If the DVDs were minor, compared to the other thing, _what's the other thing?" _He rasped. "Though I do understand the doubt now." He conceded as his timeship arrived.

"Does Harkness exist?"

_"Yes."_

"Get him and his team out here by morning, let me grab the videos of you that you don't know about and lock them inside something that thing of your's is worthless on, and she can watch the rest while I show you what I believe to be a rift at the swamp's edge. There are more deeper in the swamp but I can't get to those at the moment. Your buddy needs to bring enough funds to buy a few boats and be prepared to set up an _American_ Torchwood branch: Sound good?"

"A group of rifts? Yes...Jack and his team will be here. It works."

"Ya know, until _you_ showed up I was trying to ignore them. Lovely having _fictional people_ show up in your life. It's just the thing to set your mind wondering about things you don't really want to consider...and make your thinking go places you never wanted to go. Thank you _so_ much, buddy."

He grunted at me. "My usename _is_ the Doctor."

"I am aware of that. When I calm down, I might even actually _use_ it. Until then, you get called whatever I call you."

"Oi!"

"Question?"

"What?"

"Who's next? Batman? Oh, I know...Qui Gon Jinn...you know, Jedi Master..._he'd_ be useful. Bring your thing and come on."

"It's a _sonic screwdriver_."

"I refuse to say those words in _real life_." I told him bluntly. "Sure, you're ticked...but if there's one thing you're used to, it's weird stuff. Think about it from my point of view, for a second, asshole. Your presence alone is enough to make me start packing a loaded 12 gauge shotgun to go to bed at night on the off chance there might actually be something lurking under my bed." She glared at him and then jerked her head. "I will shoot it in the face, you know."

"I hate guns."

"This is America and I'm a redneck...guns are a part of life, so get over it. C'mon, this way."

A twenty minute walk later and I stood back and let him get scans on it."

_"So..."_

"It's a bigger rift than the one in Cardiff. Possibly the _origin_ point."

_"Lovely."_ I answered in a tone that told him I meant anything but. "You think that's the big one. Beautiful. So sorry, that's the smallest of four that I personally know of. Need boats to get to the others and I don't have one that won't sink...so...get your friend from England and have him haul his ass out here. All four of them are now YOUR problem _Doctor Who_."

"Oi! It's Doctor, JUST Doctor, all right?"

"If I have to introduce you to someone, add a Ph.D to the name. We'll use something more believable than Smith though...or John, for that matter. I'll handle that part, apparently the English and Creativity shall never meet...or common sense for that matter. _Never_ use a fake name that is the equivalent of 'John or Jane Doe. All it does is tell _everyone_ you meet that you're lying about your name."

"What do you suggest?"

"Alexander Marshall Tyler, in your case. That will do a couple of things...one of which is put a personal claim on Rose which you really need to do. Depending on where you are, it can say sibling, cousin, spouse or parent. It sounds like a real name...instead of the English version of '_Doe_'. Anything else you can do with that thing tonight, other than just making the positive identification?"

"No. Sorry."

"Let's go then. Morning is soon enough...and you have a phone call to make."

"Rose did that while we were our here. Dunno if he exists _here_."

"Make it anyway and give Jack your readings on it. Now if I can just do something about my ruined _entertainment_, instead of wondering who will show up next, I'd be a lot happier."

"You? There's only one of me, I can't get us back by myself, you know!"

"Only one in _your_ universe, true. Best find out A. We're still in your's or not and B. If you aren't, if there's anyone _here_, then, right?"

He paused and stared at me.

"Makes sense to use a TV show as a decoy, doesn't it? Keeps a history without you having to do it personally. That's why I have to wonder who else is doing it. So...do..._whatever_, to find out. Like ask TARDIS who or what, if _anything_, _she _can hear." I moved off down the trail toward my home. "Though I have a feeling I'm gonna regret the suggestion."

**POSTED AT **

**TBC**

Coming Soon: Part 2, English Irritations


	2. His Reputation Preceeds Him

_"Makes sense to use a TV show as a decoy, doesn't it? Keeps a history without you having to do it personally. That's why I have to wonder who else is doing it. So...do...whatever, to find out. Like ask TARDIS who or what, if anything, she can hear." I moved off down the trail toward my home. "Though I have a feeling I'm gonna regret the suggestion."_

CHAPTER TWO: English Irritations

I listened to the one called 'Jack' as he looked around the yard and headed for the front door where I stood. He'd been giving orders to everyone since he got out of his rent-a- car. Well, he was about to be brought to a screeching halt because I don't let strangers boss me on my own land.

He got up to where I stood and started to open his mouth, found himself with my sharpest fingernail dead center in the middle of his chest.

"_Shut it_, Harkness." I told him. "I'm not impressed by the Doctor, what makes you think you're gonna impress me? Speakin' of himself, he's already fuming this morning, so watch your step with him." I pointed up a side trail around the house. "The reason he's fumin' is 'cause I put him to work this mornin', pullin' weeds outta my garden. All that nervous energy he was buildin' up could be put to a better use so I found somethin' for him to do. You go talk to 'im and when you get done, if you ask permission, I _might _actually let you in my house. If you just barge in _without _asking, I'll use my old 12 gauge shotgun and load your ass full of rocksalt and let you spend a few hours pickin' the bits out."

Jack felt his eyes go round. "Um, yes ma'am, understood."

"Good. This is the US of A and I don't mind remindin' th' English why they keep losin' wars they start with us. Mind, if I catch you tryin' to give me orders like that I'm gonna introduce you to the woodshed real quick like. Now, which one be 'Tosh'? I got somethin' she needs to watch and then tell th' rest of you about. Ninth already knows, by th' way, cause I got seasons all the way through but I only let him see the ones up to the movie on the 8th on him. And while she's doin' that, get them boat trailers down to the water and unload them boats. You can see the docks, so go ahead and get'em ready for tomorrow...too close to dark now and I dunno 'bout you but venturing inta the swamp and goin' ta show your bunch three more rifts big enough to make th' you got at home take one look at 'em and find somewhere ta hide. The Doctor said the one close enough to shore for him to scan was bigger than the one you got already and it's the smallest of the four I personally know of. You ain't here to investigate, you're here ta stay."

She pointed to the other side of her property where there was a steel barn going up. "I told Miss Gwen to make sure that was built tha way ya need it, that's your office over there. Now, long as she goes out at night, that funnly lookin' girlfriend of Ianto is welcome to hunt the marshes. And finally, I've got bedrooms aplenty so most of your bunch will be livin' with me. I'm gonna housebreak that Owen, just you watch. However, YOU will be livin' on the TARDIS for the Doctor to mind your manners an' your habits for me."

"Ma'am?"

"The way I heard it, is that you've fucked yourself all over half creation and I don' want whatever you caught doing that in my house." He was told bluntly. "More people means more diseases and I don' need to be scraping nothin' off my floors I don't have an immunity to so the Doctor promised to make sure I've got vaccines against anything you might have...so you most likely will be waiting a good while before you get in the door. If you ever do: From what he's said, we might be best off giving you bright red clothes with a warning label on'em."

He'd never been really made to understand why most of his friends were embarrassed by his behavior, but this old woman was making it a little clearer. _She _clearly thought he was a living biohazard...and didn't mind saying so. Loudly. He could hear his team laughing behind him. He scowled in irritation and accused her of being rude. He didn't expect the sharp nod he got in reply and the woman's retreat into a house he wasn't allowed inside of, slamming the door in his face to make a point.

"Was that one of that crew of English the Doctor sent for?"

"Yes, it was. Alfred...under no circumstances is Jack Harkness allowed in my residence."

"Yes, Miss. May I ask why?"

"Certainly." She glanced at Greyson and Wayne as she told their butler exactly and precisely why. They looked at each other and sighed.

"Well, that explains the vaccinations he insisted on last night." Dick sighed.

"So it does, Dick, so it does." Bruce nodded. "I do apologize again for ruining your Saturday morning cartoons by bringing you in the 'knows about it' group of private citizens, Ma'am."

She cut an annoyed glance at him for the reminder. "Keep up reminding me and I'll see to it the other Bert includes you in a chalk drawing with Mary Poppins...and make sure Joker sees it. _Got me? _"

"Yes, Ma'am. No further unneedful reminders." Bruce told her, paling a bit.

"And call this boy Rick or Richard from now on. With Harkness around, calling him 'Dick' isn't smart."

"I'm not interested in him, Ma'am."

"He's the sort that will work on you until you are...and he's good enough that you don't want to make him want to see if you've earned the right to be known by your bits."

"Too true," Ninth's voice came from behind me. He was the only one I wasn't still irritated at, which considering the weird types now filling my house was saying something. Not that he wasn't weird, just that he was less weird than the rest of them.

"He find you okay?"

"He did."

"Back to a wall?"

"No, but he does know better."

"I'll bet. Wolverine got a shock I hear...thought he was another like himself. I understand he was a bit disappointed."

"Somewhat. I told Xavier I knew of a few planets in other galaxies where the mutated members of humanity could continue to develop in peace. Took Magneto's bunch out last night. They were suitably impressed and have their own planet five galaxies away. So do the Xmen...but in the other direction. TARDIS doesn't want them anywhere near each other. Jack's in charge of gathering up any new ones and calling me so I can take them to the Professor. And I explained it to UNIT, so the rapidly evolving ones will have safe haven both at any UNIT HQ as well as Cardiff."

"That's good."

"And Kurt is now one of my companions. He'll do real well as such. Most of the main Xmen team are, actually."

"Like I couldn't see that one coming. I'd've thought Batman would have wanted him but, hey, different crowd. Plus Kurt would show him up pretty fast. 'Look ma, no ropes, boomarangs or whatevers'." She grinned at Bruce's chin, shamelessly.

"You are very good at putting Master Bruce in his place, Miss."

"Alfred, he's a _cartoon _charactor come to life. Did he tell you what I did to poor Riddler this morning?"

"Erm...no Miss."

"I poured paint thinner on him. He disolved into a puddled of paint and ink." She huffed. "No challenge and no fun at all."

"Perhaps you'd rather this version of me?" A deeper voice came from the door, and the latex covered form of one of the movie Batmans smiled a bit.

"Better. Yes, just a bit better. Where's Tim?"

A lighter head of hair stuck out from behind the bigger man, "Right here."

"Good, you can just fold Richard up and put him in the desk drawer when it's time for bed. Two dimenional heros fit in the damnedest spaces. Poor kid, I've used him for a book mark twice this week." She told the human Robin who just shook his head. "Nightwing...our's...is with us too. We heard the Doctor was here."

"He is. Got treed by wild tom turkeys trying to get a better look for Rose. That's when things sort of started to snowball. Torchwood 3 is here too. He's already found new homes in distant galaxies for most of the Xmen universe...but since he's deviated from his original Time Line there won't be Daleks and he won't be regenerating anytime soon. I hope. Ten is okay, I guess, but Nine's pretty cool so I don't mind that he and Rose are stuck here with no way back to their original universe. He can only protect one, after all, and I'd really rather he's looking after the one I'm living in than not."

"Really? That's not what you told me two weeks ago."

"I was still ticked off two weeks ago. I'm _female_...I don't have to provide..._or even have_...reasons to change my mind."

Every male in the room grumbled at this truth of human females...the difference was that at least this one _admitted _it.

"So...has anyone figured out why he'd be drawn in at this point? Or did we just get lucky?"

"I don't think 'lucky' is the word I'd use."

Myra turned to study Ninth for a moment, then sighed. "If you were anything from 6th under or if you were already 10th, I'd ask you what you've done. You're not, though, so...what now?"

The four Rifts have merged to become one big one...and this universe started moving through it to somewhere else as soon as I parked the TARDIS. The size of the universe means you don't really feel anything unless you're a Time Lord, but I feel plenty...and there's nothing we can do, except wait to see what happens."

Myra just groaned, sighed, "I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop ever since he got here." She finally told the rest, pointing at Ninth with her thumb over her shoulder.

The skies were a rainbow of colors and hues of colors, mixed and swirled together as they moved from where they had been to wherever they were going. Myra didn't even ask before moving herself and her household, including housepets and livestock into the TARDIS. She'd just eyed him, watched him sigh and nod at her.

"Go ahead." Was all he said. Unfortunately, the Time Lord thought later, he hadn't asked what she was moving in. Turned out, his ship had settled over the house and barn and drew them into one of the biggest parts of her he'd ever seen.

"Why?"

"Eventually, she'll disgorge us somewhere, whole and entire, so I still have a home...that okay with you?"

"That tone sounds oddly familiar." He cocked his head at me.

"Does it now?" And behind me I could hear Rose and Jack cracking up.

As it turned out, each group of us was being deposited in a different universe...but whatever force this was that was dictating events didn't remove me from the ship the same way all the others were being taken as we passed into places they couldn't exist. And at the end of it, all that remained was Kurt, me and the original crew...plus the Torchwood bunch. Of course, me and mine, that's a lot of critters, cats, dogs, cattle, swine, horses, goats, llamas...donkeys...all sorts of things and all tied to me until the day I gave Rose a litter of six puppies for her to share with Jack and Ninth. I didn't tell her they were Timber Wolves crossed over with Siberian Husky...she didn't know yet and _I _sure wasn't gonna tell her.

Eventually, though, we ran out of Rift and the TARDIS hung under her own power in a universe the Doctor didn't recognize. He was uneasy and that rather scared the rest of us.

**TBC**


	3. The Bat Goes to the Dogs

_**Eventually, though, we ran out of Rift and the TARDIS hung under her own power in a universe the Doctor didn't recognize. He was uneasy and that rather scared the rest of us.**_

**Talking Turkey 3**

**Chapter 3: Swiss Family TARDIS**

The TARDIS had managed to warn him that she was going down and doing it fast, that there was an Earth under her in the skies and she was making for an island that _should_ be uninhabited in the Southern Portion of the Pacific basin. It should be mostly unexplored at this point in this Earth's history...for this Earth was the mid-17th Century. After that, what happened depended on how bad the crash was and how long it took the Doctor to _rewire her _for this universe's vortex. In their present circumstances, that _could_ be years.

**:WHO:**

"Impossible. The parts I need to fix her I can't _get_ here...it's too early in the history of this Earth for that...and I can't go looking for somewhere I _can_ find parts for her without fixing her. She's going to have to do it the slow way, self-repairing, her." Ninth was not amused. He looked at Wayne. "Robin and Nightwing go off exploring more since we took out those pirates on arrival?"

"Yeah. They took Kurt and Storm with them. You were busy and it's not as if we're _amateurs._"

"Good point. Myra still saying 'I told you so?'

"Of course. Well, TARDIS did manage to release her barns if not the house, so at least there's no livestock in the ship now." Bruce was grinning at him shamelessly, reaching out to tickle the unwilling Doctor's newest charge under the chin.

Ninth's left eyelid actually twitched. He'd woken up this morning cuddled up to a young chimp instead of Rose. So much for hammocks under a tree. He supposed he'd made one too many 'stupid ape' remarks. He sighed and scratched the young ape's head, it refused to leave him, now that he'd fed it milk in a bottle. TARDIS might not be able to fly or dematerialize, but she could still provide the rest of their needs just fine...he just wished Sexy would stop _laughing_ at him.

_**~~~~~~: WHO :~~~~~~~**_

Robin, Nightwing and Nightcrawler giggled as Batman went flying face down in a large mud flat as the small boy they were trying to catch dodged at the last second, screeching in panic and the pair of fully mature Great Danes with the boy introduced their teeth to Bruce's backside with his screaming encouragement. Eventually the lad called them off and then disappeared into the underbrush, yelling back that 'pirates' _deserved_ the dogs chewing on them.

As Robin and Nightwing descended to the ground to aid Bruce, Nightcrawler took to the highest branches and tracked the lad back to where he lived. He stayed, listened and finally returned. When he BAMFed back into the circle of firelight, he chuckled. "He's a normal boy, lives with his parents and elder brothers on the other side of this island. They've been shipwrecked apparently." He looked over at the Bat. "You okay?" He asked, trying not to smile as he observed the way Bruce was being careful to remain on his stomach.

"Will be. So, the dogs were just protecting the child. Can't really argue with results." He answered with a pained smile as he heard the sniggers his boys were trying to silence without notable success.

"You catch a name to go with that family, Kurt?" Old Myra asked, suspicion clear in her tone.

"Robinson, why?"

She groaned, swaying on her log by the fire. "Doctor's Luck isn't Lucky...never has been, save _once_ only." She pointed at Rose. "When he found her, t'was worth all the rest, for she loves him truly. So, tell me, Doctor, Robinsons, yes, family of five, three lads and the youngest able to bring Batman to his ruination._._._at the first try_. In a _Storybook_ Universe...with a pair of fawn colored Great Danes."

He stared at her. "_Shit_. Swiss Family Robinson...that kid is Francis. Gotta be."

"Yes, probably...but if so, they're missionaries, Nine. Clean up that mouth. Best part is that this is _your_ ballgame, Doctor. Just remember that here, the unabridged version is true history and we've already altered it by taking out those pirates. So, this is _your_ problem since it involves a historical _edit_. I'll help of course where I can, but we're going to be here for the next...how long?"

"At least a three year span and probably more. And there will be more edits, since we can't avoid the Robinsons now that Francis has told them of our presence."

"So, Kurt and Bruce's boys will build us an above ground home of our own, site the TARDIS in an upstairs location for her safety. We have to plan for hurricanes, after all, and that will be the best place for her to bring her outer shields to bear for us all, Robinsons included. With the pirates gone, it's unlikely that sea captain or his grand-daughter will be intercepted so I suppose that particular ripple is already in progress."

"Yeah. Nothing we can do about it, either."

"Very well then. We're limited to what we can do in the here and now. My forte is growing things so I'll do my part by starting a garden, select an area for orchards and perhaps see if there's some sort of safe, soft natural fiber growing nearby, like flax or cotton, that can be woven. Oh, what else? We'll need a list of things too, the things that should be obvious. Don't need me for that." Myra's eyes tracked the tropical sun and nodded. "Plenty of of daylight left. Time enough to do a bit of looking around. Richard, your arm, youngster. I'll take your escort."

Ninth didn't say anything as Myra took advantage of the Nightwing version of Grayson's presence to try to find gardenable foods to bring back seeds, cuttings or saplings from. He got the others organized into useful groups himself after the old woman and Nightwing disappeared into the jungle. Finally, as the first of the stored wooden planking in the TARDIS were being brought out, he gathered Rose to himself and they went out to try to find the family of Missionaries who would be their neighbors on the Slow Path.

He was still very much _not_ amused.


	4. Jet-propelled and Jeopardy Friendly

**Summary: **The Robinsons, used to Francis' exaggerations as they were, were welcoming of the Doctor and as he'd introduced Rose, his affianced bride. He hadn't reckoned on their insistance that the young couple allow Minister Robinson to marry them officially. Missionaries were folk of narrow view in some matters and it was just easier this way so he went with it. He also offered Granny Myra's services for child care concerning their youngest without asking her first.

Jet-propelled and Jeopardy Friendly

He'd meant it as a way to get on up on the temperamental old woman and was disappointed when she had no problem with handling young Francis. She merely put the boy to boy-sized chores and used a harsh gimlet stare to bring him into line during the warm but not too harshly hot part of the day she deemed suitable for work. During the worst of the day, she sent him to the Doctor, Tim or Dick, never more than one, to be looked after and let him explore the nearer sections of the jungle with whoever was stuck with watching the energetic lad, or with Bruce, once he recovered from the dog bites.

Puffing as he followed the fast moving, constantly chattering human boy, Ninth wondered to himself how he'd ever labeled his wife as being Jeopardy Friendly, since compared to this child, Rose was an exercise in Health and Safety. In the space of one hour, he'd hauled Francis out of a snake pit, snatched him by the scruff just as he was about to jump, not fall, from a small cliff into water of unknown depth with undetermined dangers in it for a swim, found himself roped into helping the boy manhandle several large new pets into calm so the kid could ride them back to either the Ninth's tree-house or his parent's and was, at this moment following Francis up the tallest tree he'd climbed yet...which for this lad, was saying something.

For the Doctor, it was saying more since he'd climbed some huge trees in his life, but this was massive. And Francis wasn't content with just climbing to the top, oh no...the little boy was all over it, exploring every little cranny.

What made it all worse, somehow, to the Doctor's mind, was while the child steadily drove the Doctor crazy, he also had the gall to worm his way uninvited into the Doctor's hearts. No matter how he scolded, the boy showed nothing but joy at his company...and that was impossible to ignore or fail to respond to. And it was his first day at watching Francis...this wasn't to be borne. His right hand snapped out to grab the kid's upper right arm, steadying him when he would have slipped, hearts thundering at the near miss.

"Bet this one would make a good treehome, wouldn't it, Doctor? Bet we could cut rooms and stairs and things from it where we wanted them."

And the boy made observations that made him think, whether he wanted to or not. Like that one. He looked at the huge fig tree they were in differently now.

"Yeah, I think you're right. We could make rooms and stairs to use later and train the branches to make more as time goes on, in case we need them. Good idea, lad." He ruffled the boy's hair and got a wide, snaggle-toothed grin for in the way of young humans of Francis age, he was loosing milk teeth and had several gaps in the front of his mouth. Though the Ninth Doctor would never admit it where anyone could hear him, he thought it was rather cute.

The other lad, Francis' brothers, his father, Jack and most of the Xmen were building a raised walkway system that would be the main path to most of the locations on the island that they used most. Jack was simply not allowed near the missionaries nor was Kurt at first, until Francis 'caught' him and brought him home as a new pet...and they heard him explaining to the boy that he wasn't an animal, no matter what he looked like.

It took all the calming persuasion Rose had to get the Doctor through the first six month's sane, after which he seemed to settle down...and Francis helped a good deal since whenever Rose saw him start to brood, she sent him off to attempt to keep that boy out of trouble. _Try_ was the operative word.

It was at the six month mark that he started cocking his head, to listen or try to understand what he was feeling. Something new had entered the island community and it felt odd. The TARDIS reported that she knew what it was, that it was annoyed but not dangerous and was right where it was supposed to be...and that she was talking to it. She did not explain but only said to gather his crew and try not to lose his temper.

_**:WHO:**_

The Ninth Doctor stared in disbelief at the second TARDIS next to his own, lips quirking at the younger self that was standing in front of his damaged Time Ship with his hands on his hips.

"Just my luck..." Fourth spat.

"Yes, isn't it? Worse though, is that I'm not from your universe and don't share your parentage...which means we can co-exist just fine...but that also puts two of us at large in the same place." Nine told him as he stopped behind the local Doctor. "Did our girls tell you what happened?"

Fourth turned to see his counterpart just as Rose joined him, her arm slipping into place around Ninth's waist. "The last of us in existence there and the Multifaceted Random Universal Variation Dispersal decided to relocate you...and that whole universe, to here...without putting the new rules into either you or your TARDIS. Means a blend of old and new is occurring, I suppose. The council isn't going to be pleased."

"No, but then, when are they ever?"

"Sounds like that one might be a multilateral universal constant." Fourth snorted. "I'm Four, you?"

"Nine." Ninth blew out his breath, "Well, at least we'll both have one person we can understand and enjoy the company of, other than just Rose...who is quite special. Enough that I married her. Rose, meet the Fourth Doctor, not actually me, but close. I suppose I'd better call my past selves so they can get a good look at what's going on. Including my own Fourth...you can compare scarves, I suppose." He smiled. "Just make sure you're wearing sunglasses before you look at my Sixth...that _coat_..."

"You've really screwed up the history of this island, here, y'know."

"Yeah. Couldn't be helped but at least editing was done with care."

"Well, you started it and I'm not cleaning up after you. You'll just have to agree to see it through."

"I do."

"Good, in that case, let's get a list of the parts you need and get your version of my timeship repaired."

"Thanks, she's been trying to do a self-fix, but..."

"Oh, you're not going anywhere, I'm just going to help you rewire her for the local vortex."

Nine snorted. "Fine, but you get to help me with a little boy named Francis...one of my agreed to tasks, is to try to keep him out of trouble...but you're the local Doctor so the way I see it, that's _your_ job."

The Ninth heard a familiar cackling laugh behind him. "Doctor, that's just cruel...Francis leaves you panting and exhausted and you know what to expect from that child. This baby you wouldn't have a prayer." Myra laughed.

"Baby?"

"You're a Four, he's a Nine...yes, a baby Doctor...very cute too. Precious youngster that you are." She laughed again. "Be kind to yourself, Fourth, turn him down. You will never be able to keep up with that human man-child." From behind Fourth's back she winked at Nine and it was all he and Rose could do to not give the game away.

"Ridiculous! He's only a human, after all. How hard could it be?"

"Perilous beyond all reason, actually." Nine told him honestly. "I don't get it, but she's right, he's got a positive genius for getting into dangerous sorts of trouble."

"How old is he?"

"Oh, nine or ten, I suppose. _Don't_ do what I know you're thinking. Human boys of this era were sometimes given by their fathers to a trade as an apprentice at that age, but don't do that to yourself. Not smart." Myra told the Fourth. "You couldn't handle it."

Nine groaned, knowing what was coming. He was right.

"Of course I can! A small boy learns fast, after all, should be a snap to train after some of the companions I've already had." He turned his eyes to the Missionary and Mr. Robinson was already nodding. His wife didn't look pleased but putting the boy in a position under a scientist would be good for Francis.

While Fourth and the lad's father worked out the details, Ninth edged over to the old woman. He glared at Myra. "You just _had_ to do that, didn't you?"

"Oh _yeah_, miss a chance like that? Are you insane?" She smirked at him. "You have to handle Jack, after all...making you handle them both just wasn't fair to you."

Rose laid her hand on Ninth's wrist. "She's got a point."

"Yes, but it's so domestic!"

"So was getting married." Myra pointed out. "At least Francis isn't your kid."

"Oh, he'll have that to concern himself with in another five months, don't worry about that." Rose assured her, one eye on Nine's widening, shocked eyes.

"Rose! Really? This is wonderful news!" He did start to fuss...enough to get Fourth's attention and that of Mrs. Robinson. When the reason for the fussing became clear, Fourth smiled while the women settled Rose in a comfortable location.

"I'm going to be an _uncle_...if that don't beat all."

"Best consider Robinson Island our full time residence for the foreseeable next several bodies, Fourth."

"Me, on the Slow Path? _Willingly?_ "

"And the really weird bit is that I can't seem to convince myself to mind, at all."

"That _is_ weird." Fourth agreed, shaking his head. "And Robinson Island, as a Time Lord's Family residence _can_ legally undergo substantial edits as long as care is taken. So, I've taken Francis Robinson as a legal human apprentice if Temporal Physics and I have a new brother who is a genetic fraternal twin, married to a genetically altered human and expecting a first child with her. The Council is going to flip."

Myra chuckled, "If they get too out of line, come fetch me and I'll show you some of the best and funniest ways to make their lives more difficult for them and better for my boys. If they give us too much backtalk, we'll assign Jack Harkness as our Liaison to the Council...they'd love having _him_ underfoot."

"No, they wouldn't...and that's just _mean_." Ninth retorted, but he was grinning. He glanced at Fourth. "Jack is a Fixed Point...but still both living and human. Drives you nuts until you get used to it."

"And she wants him to be the Island's liaison to the Council? You're right...that's just mean. _Funny_, but mean as hell..._to them_."

_**TBC**_


End file.
